27 May 2009

Lesson learnt...

Stress is bad. Stress is very bad.... very VERY bad. Duh.

I got diagnosed today with a mild case of Bell's Palsy on the right side of my face. Heard that word, and freaked out. Palsy. Ummmm, hello, cerebral palsy? Neurological, degenerative disease... lots of pain, loss of control, no cure. But, don't stress, it's no where's NEAR cerebral palsy... heck, I SINCERELY reckon that name should be CHANGED. Not fair to almost cause a heart attack in a 30 year old when they use that term.


I read through that, and felt, hokay, maybe it's not too bad. ALTHOUGH. I'm a TAD freaked out that Jean Chretien's case of Bell's Palsy in his youth never "got resolved." That's kinda scary. That means I could always feel like I just spent the morning at the dentist's... 'cause that's how my "mild case" is feeling. My tongue is a bit numb, my taste buds on that side not happy, eye dry and a bit sore, and, to be honest, my smile just doesn't look RIGHT at the moment. But, it SHOULD go away, and I SHOULD go back to normal... I'll let you know in 10 days after I finish my 'roids.

So how did this happen? Stress. I had a migraine on Friday night, put my neck out on Saturday night, and then Monday night (after an hour of crying and praying), realised my lip felt wierd... and the next morning, woke up looking like a "mild case" of Mary Jo Buttafuco after Amy Fisher went to town on her.

Anyway.... I need to reduce my stress levels. (again, DUH.) So, on Monday night, during my hour of crying and praying, and praying and crying, I felt called to pick up my Bible. But, my eyes hurt so much (I still had a headache, just no migraine), and I just couldn't convince myself to turn on the lights to read.... so Tuesday eve, after 2 boys in bed, I sat on the couch with an ice pack on my neck, and read my Bible.

I do that occassionally (not often enough, tbh), just open my Book randomly, and go where my eyes are drawn to see what I can apply to my life.

I opened it up to Matthew 5, the Sermon on the Mount. I thought, "uh, RIGHT, I may not read my Bible alot, and I may not have read even HALF of it, but this one section I've read, more than a few times... what the heck NEW item will I get from it to apply to my life????"

HA. God laughs at my silliness, I guarantee you.

Now, I have to give you some background of the Bible I'm talking about. (I have a couple.) This one is a NLT, called the Life Recovery Bible. Basically, it's a Bible that has references throughout to the 12 steps of Life Recovery, directly based on the 12 steps of AA. Which, not only if you are an addict, but for many other reasons (depression, suicidal tendencies, abuse, etc), are GREAT guidelines for life.

Okay, so the first part I read is the Beatitudes. (starting at v.3)

..."God blesses those who realise their need for him,
for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them.
God blesses those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
"God blesses those whose hearts are pure,
for they will see God.
God blesses those who work for peace,
for they will be called the children of God.
God blesses those who are persecuted because they live for God,
for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs."

"God blesses you when you are mocked and persecuted and LIED ABOUT because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted, too."
(Matthew 5:3, 4 & 8 - 12)

Funny FUNNY thing about this is: my hubby's been saying that for ages. "Sweetie, just grin and bear it. You can do it." But, ya know.... when it's coming from up THERE... just seems a bit more powerful. (Btw, Todd reckons he's the bee's knees 'cause he's been telling me all along the right thing. ;) )

Then, because I have this Life Recovery Bible, there is a side panel on the right page about FORGIVENESS, referencing to the Lord's Prayer. Now, I am not a bitter person. But, ya know how there's always this little bit of you, tiny bit, that is still miffed at perhaps, say, what was said back then, or what they did, etc? This really helped:

"Forgiving others is an important part of turning our will over to God. ... ... When we forgive others of the wrongs they have committed against us, we do not excuse what they have done. We simply recognise that we have been hurt unjustly and turn the matter over to God. This helps us face the truth about our own pain."

Lesson learnt Lord... thank You.

"Lord I thank you for the Book You gave us to guide us through these tough times that we have. Although I know I have it good compared to some, some days I feel that my strength is not enough to carry me through. And I KNOW it's not. But Your's is. Thank You for your guidance, your grace, your mercy and strength... I'm eternally grateful. Amen."

"oh, and ps. Lord? I promise I'll try to pick up that Book a bit more often."

03 May 2009

Meant to be ...

Life's events over the last two or three years have had me saying that phrase... A LOT.

"It was meant to be this way..."

"Everything happens for a reason..."

I've had a BUNCH of horrendously crappy stuff happen to me/my family.
- I almost lost all of our family belongings when our moving company declared bankruptcy
- said bankruptcy then cleared out our savings in order to NOT lose our family's possessions
- a friend from my IRL mum's group lost her battle to cancer
- my husband has had to deal with being estranged from not only his mother (long long time), but now also his father
And that's just in the last 9 months, and just the really MAJOR ones... these aren't including the littlies.

Keeping positive has kept me floating; some days, barely. But, since finding a home church, and coming back to God, I've started to realise that I'm not really being "positive" per se... but more, well, not immaturely laying blame... heck, I'm even BEING MATURE about our situations.

- our moving situation was meant to keep us on a certain path, that we had been HELL bent on deviating from
- estrangement from his father has helped my dh see that maybe while he'll NEVER be close to his family, maybe having a distant (not as in distance, km, but distant as in, not close) relationship with BOTH parents is better than none
- for WHATEVER reason, Dee was needed in heaven, probably to protect her awesome little boy, and be his guardian angel

Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy about losing my mate to cancer, I sobbed for two days straight until she actually passed... and 2 months later, I still look at her photo on a regular basis, and shed a tear... but I feel happy knowing that her ds has his mummy protecting him from heaven.

And don't get me wrong, dh's fight with his dad was UUUUUGLY, and it will probably never be resolved, but hey, he learned that his dad will never change, and that in order to have a relationship, he's gotta deal with it, and just never take for granted the close relationships he DOES have... nor EVER let his relationships with our 2 ds be like that (not difficult to prevent, tbh). AS WELL, he's even mentioned contacting his mum... (but I'm not holding my breath for that just yet).

And our moving situation... ha! Again, don't get me wrong, because I honestly hope the people that took our money and our stuff, and knew FULL WELL that their insolvency application was to be granted in two weeks, well, I hope they rot in hell... but, in the big picture, we NEVER EVER would have thought to stay here in small town WL, BC (where I was born, and where I had refused to entertain the thought of staying here, btw)... but yet here we are, looking forward to getting some land, and building a house here. Through staying here, finding a church, and meeting new people (remember, we weren't going to stay here - this was TEMPORARY - we were gettin' out ASAP!), we've had opportunities present themselves that we would never have had, had we actually "gotten out." No, no monetary gain. YET. In two years? I get giddy thinking about the projects that we have bubbling atm. And yes, that's projectS.

Meant to be??? I honestly believe so. I honestly believe that in order to make sure these opportunities were available to us, God HAD to push us, because we just WERE NOT budging on our own.

We've come to the realisation that we NEED to be able to raise our boys *free range* as one of my new friends, A, puts it. I LOVE that thought. My boys, able to run around nuts, on 10 acres, with no worries.

We've decided to give home-schooling a go. I'd ALWAYS wanted to be home-schooled as a child.. now here's my chance to give that to my kids. We'll always give them the OPTION to go to a school, but they won't have to if they want to learn at home.

These are things that God has put in my heart... and all things that came as a RESULT of my prayer and soul-searching after/during our periods of adversity... Life is hard, but He's helping me through it.